Family: Not Issued in Your Sea Bag

December 2010 Navy

By FLTCM Bradley LeVault

In 1983, while attending Aviation Electronics School, I routed a chit (a request) for a long weekend in order to marry my beautiful fiancée, Amy. I had been a Sailor for nine months. I was new and excited about where my bride and I might be stationed. Amy and I talked on the phone (she from a party line and me on a pay phone) about a transfer close to home, then about Hawaii or California. We were willing to go where the Navy sent us. A few days prior to the wedding, the request was returned – disapproved.

I was told to go see my Senior Chief. I do not recall what I thought he might say, but I do recall being shocked when he said, “I’m doing you a favor by disapproving your chit.” He talked about how I was too young, too junior in rank, too busy with school, too this and too that to get married. At the end of the counseling he asked if I still planned to get married. I said yes and without further discussion I was dismissed. He never talked to me again. There was no follow on about housing or pay. No offer to introduce my new bride to the Wives Club ladies or show us where to get a dependent ID card. The joke about families not being issued in your sea bag was no longer funny.

So, I left Senior Chief’s office to make a long weekend into a shorter one; in order to fly to Pennsylvania, get married then, drive back to Tennessee with my new wife. And, that is exactly what we did and have continued to do for 27 years. Since then, our long weekend cut short has been filled with four children and a son in-law, five pay grade advancements, 14 PCS moves (four of them overseas) and many positive changes to how we welcome new wives into our Navy family.

Amy and I have watched and participated in seeing the old give way to the new. Today, when a Sailor decides to marry, we counsel them on resources available to ensure their new family is cared for, so the family is content, and the Sailor can focus on doing their job.

The Navy and senior leadership have turned a new leaf and I am a part of our focus on the family. I am success driven and, perhaps, lean more toward mission than family, but I have prided myself on how I have balanced my career and family life. I thought I had the Sailor/father/husband mix, just about right. That is until about a month ago. That is when my youngest son’s football team went into the DoDDS Europe Division II play-offs.

I had been helping the team, mostly, as the manager and trip organizer (the closest away game is nine hours north in Vicenza, IT). I had never coached football and had, in fact, missed two season of both my son’s playing football. I was very much enjoying helping coach my son’s team. The season is only five games and I had been traveling for work, but I was careful not to miss any of the games. I planned for the season to end at five, but it didn’t.

Although my boss was fully supportive, during the season I had a nagging feeling while at practice, even though I made, only, about half of them. In my mind, I was missing too much work. It was the old ways creeping back in to distract me. On top of it, I received information that one of or some of my fellow Chiefs had viewed my coaching as irresponsible. The self-doubt and criticism weighed heavy on me and I decided to leave my post-season work travel plans in place.

So, I told my All-Conference-middlelinebacker son that I would miss our team’s first of, hopefully, three play-off games. Of course, he said he understood. Now play-offs are a big deal and the whole Naples community seemed to be excited. Among a host of others who asked about the playoff games were two of my senior leadership. Both were as shocked with my decision to miss the first play-off game, as I was with my Senior Chief, 27 years ago. One said straight out that I was making the wrong decision. He was right.

The next day, I changed my travel plans to be at our first play-off game and we won. The next Monday, I changed more travel plans to be at our second play-off game. The season stopped there, but, certainly, that is not the point. The point is; even as an experienced, knowledgeable, married for 27 years, father-of-four and senior leader, I missed what was important at that time. The important thing was that I needed to make a memory with my family. Thankfully, these days there are more leaders around whose idea of “doing me a favor” includes my family.

These days, we have some awesome resources for Navy families to be successful and comfortable so their Sailor can focus on the job at hand. Families can visit the Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) on base to attend a class or to have a person-to-person talk or they can go online to the Military One Source site for information to understand benefits and options. But the most important resource, the one that will make and keep the family together and serving is the Sailor being there when it is important, possible and appropriate. Strengthening the family ultimately strengthens our Navy, our military and our Nation. There is no substitute for making fond family memories. I should remember that.